Focus on getting the best out of people
Want to make a good first impression?
Infiltrate new social circles with aplomb?
Create irresistible camaraderie?
Focus on getting the best out of people around you.
What does this mean? For starters, you may have heard of the social heuristic “Go positive and go first”. The premise is that good things come to those who take initiative. When you focus on getting the best out of people around you, you’re going positive and going first.
Getting the best out of people around you is the ultimate default social state. We can’t always be all guns blazing when it comes to our social mood. We don’t always feel at our most social, talkative, excited, fun or friendly just because we’re interacting with others.
But we can focus on how other people feel. Even when we’re not at our most sociable we can place our attention on getting the best out of people talking to us.
Often this means the spotlight will be on them. This goes back to age old social wisdom: be interested to be interesting. The number one subject that (a) people are experts on and (b) comfortable talking about is: themselves. When you focus on getting the best out of people, you’ll inevitably cover ‘them’ as a topic. And in doing so, they’ll attribute several things to you as a result—that you’re a great conversationalist (even if you do less of the talking), that you’re a great listener, and that you’re someone worth knowing.
Avoid being sycophantic. Nobody likes a suck-up. Getting the best out of people isn’t an excuse to people please.
In fact, when done properly, a focus on getting the best out of people around you isn’t a sycophantic exercise in conversing. It’s actually a great demonstration of interpersonal leadership. With a mindset of bringing the best out of someone else, you’re the one leading the interaction. You’re the one determining the underlying current of the conversation. Your chosen direction is foolproof from derailment since who’s going to reject a premise of the conversation being about them and the best they can offer? Getting the best out of people around you is a subtle display in conversational leadership.
A conversation is a shared dynamic. You’re more likely to have the interaction go well if you refrain from making it about you right off the bat. Think of how many people in the world can’t wait to go on about themselves when given the opportunity. They meet someone new and within seconds they’re harping on about their lives without curtailment. When you can make the focus about your interlocutor, you differentiate yourself from the myriad others they’ve met first time by making them the most important part of the conversation.
By holding a focus on getting the best out of people, you set a cycle of reciprocity into motion. We’re all programmed to reciprocate the moods and behaviours that others show us. This isn’t set in stone—we’re unlikely to become as exasperated as a venting ranter just because we’re sat next to them on a train for example. But positivity begets positive emotions and negativity begets negative emotions. You’re not likely to feel the exact rage of the train ranter but you will almost certainly feel annoyance from having to hear them. Likewise, you might not necessarily feel euphoria from someone bringing out the best in you during an interaction but you will feel more pleasant.
With an improvement in their mood, the mutual state between you both will become better. Any lacklustre sentiments you had prior to talking to them will probably evaporate in the bubble you’ve now created.
So focus on getting the best out of people around you. It costs nothing, avoids self-centredness, and is a reliable way of creating a likeable and endearing dynamic in an interaction. One that leaves a lasting impression on whomever you speak to.
Summary
Socialising can be hard. Many people remain in doubt about what to do when conversing with others. It can feel as if there’s too much to think about, not enough to say, and any vibe created is subpar.
When in doubt over what to do, there’s one mindset you can fall back on: focus on getting the best out of people around you. This mindset is the ultimate provenance behind high-quality, impactful interactions. Getting the best out of people demonstrates interest which in turn makes you interesting, is conducted from a place of leadership, and generates a cycle of reciprocity improving the mutual state between you and others.
Getting the best out of people around you demonstrates high emotional intelligence with the knowledge that when you look out for others, you in turn will be looked out for. Hold it in mind during your next interactions and see the impact you can make.
